Miracle of the Moment

Miracle Of The Moment by Steven Curtis Chapman

It's time for letting go

All of our "if onlies"
Cause we don't have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out

And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go

And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now (here and now)
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle
Of the moment

Slowing Down

So I was reading through some of my past blogs, and other things on my blog. I've changed a lot since even a few months ago. I think some of it is good, but I think I'm also changing somethings I shouldn't or at least don't need to.

I think between work and wedding plans I'm getting a little burnt out. I used to look at things so happily, and now I'm having difficulty focusing on the good in anything, but I think in a weird way, the reason this is becoming hard for me is because I'm not taking any time to just relax. And I think the wear and tear is just making me tired, and according to Dr. South, when you don't get enough rest it's difficult to be happy. So here's a list of things that I could potentially do (I say potentially because knowing myself, I'll turn it into some kind of assignment and add it to the list of things that I'm not doing):

Read... and read a book I LIKE. Not a book someone recommended me, or even a church book, or even scriptures. Read whatever I want to read. Even if it's something that everyone else thinks is lame.

Go for walks... maybe even take some bread to the duck pond and feed the ducks.

Sleep... weird concept. Why do people sleep again?

Watch a movie... curl up with my blankets and stuffed animals on the couch and watch whatever movie I want to watch. Maybe combine this one with the one right above it.

Write... as bad as I am at writing, it is very stress relieving. Even if it's just writing in my journal.

So now that I have a list of relaxing things to do. I also thought of other things that have been bringing me down slightly. No one is at fault, but I'm pressuring myself to "keep up" with others spiritually, and honestly, that's never a good thing. I progressed a ton more when I just decided to do things, and I didn't do them because I wanted to be "good enough" for someone else. And instead of letting my goals stress me out, maybe I should allow myself more time to do them. Maybe even ask others to help me by reminding me of them. Because mostly I'm just forgetful. Maybe I could try a little harder to remember them by putting notes up where I will see them.

I think most of all I need to stop and just breathe. I keep myself too busy. I don't have the time or energy to get anything done. My room is a mess and cleaning checks are Saturday. I need to do laundry and help out with the apartment chores, but because I run run run all day I never want to do anything else. So... I need to SLOW DOWN. Getting things done efficiently is good, but being happy about life is more important to me. Anyway... I guess I'm done ranting about stuff. Now that I've done my writing, I'm going to go sleep. Good night!

Wedding Plans

So... I'm getting married! haha. I think it's sad that I haven't updated my blog in forever! So here's the plan.

August 13th is my endowment in the Salt Lake City Utah Temple.
August 14th is my and Michael's sealing in the Draper Utah Temple. The Utah reception is that night probably at 7pm.
August 29th is the Missouri reception at 3pm.

I'm super excited. These are the official plans and unless something burns down it should be set in stone. We've been changing the dates and times a lot so it's been kind of confusing. So this is the plan... I'm sorry for whoever wishes they could be there and can't. I tried to make it as convenient as possible for as many people as possible. I'm really excited to see everyone in Missouri. It's going to be fun. I miss you guys. :D

So here are some of the smaller plans:

My amazing roommate Natasha is making my dress for me! I'm so excited! We already went and picked out the fabric and I've told her exactly what I like and she's going to do it. She's an amazing seamstress too. I've seen her make several dresses and they've all been beautiful! I can't wait.

My aunt and uncle just took our engagement pictures yesterday and they were awesome! Haha. I should be getting them back in the next couple days.

I've already made up the announcement. I really actually like it too. I was kind of surprised. But all I need to do now is add the pictures that I'll be getting and we're good to go.

I'm completely fuzzy on any reception plans, so we'll see how that goes. haha

Michael and I are hoping we can get a place in Wymount Terrace. It's close to the MTC, Provo Temple and campus, so it'd be perfect. I really hope it works out.

Still doing all the little formalities that need to be done as well. Everything is going relatively smoothly. I just can't wait until we are finally married. It's kind of a weird thought for me. Knowing that in little over a month I'll be married. I'm only 16 right? I refuse to grow up. haha. Oh well... it's worth it.

Such is Life...

So I don't really have that much updating to do just yet. I'm working full time at the Bookstore now that school is over. I'm planning to come visit Missouri the beginning of August, and I'm extremely excited. I miss home! :D There are no words to describe how well things are going with Michael. <3 Life is basically bliss. I get to do a little relaxing every now and then, shirk a few responsibilities (well, as much as I, being Nikki, can), and hang out with friends guilt-free (NO HOMEWORK!!!!) haha. My grades were pretty good, and my GPA went up a little. I only absolutely bombed one final. Silly Stats. But I'm over it now. haha... and now I long for a nap. So that's what I'm going to do. Night! haha

Song of the Heart

Two of my favorite songs on two of my favorite instruments. Could it get any better? <3

I am...

Remember that post from a while ago about choosing how to define ourselves. Well most of that stemmed from Women's Studies because that happened to be the topic of the day. Well as usual another one of my classes gave me some ideas as to the answer. Or at least... MY answer.

I am... 

still very powerful. Still a definition. Still very solid and very unchanging. So... how do we define ourselves?

The answer:

We don't.

Today in my personality class the lecture was on existentialism. Yeah my brain wants to explode after just typing the word. Existentialism is basically the belief that we exist. That we are. Or that I am...

They don't believe in reifying. Reifying is the act of making something real that wasn't before, and honestly I agree wholeheartedly. In language in general we've created terms to define something that before didn't exist. Such as the unconscious, schizophrenia, and other similar things.

While making these definitions  who is the one determining what is real? What if we are just making up terms for things that don't actually exist. Hence the reason existentialists (which don't actually exist because that would be considered reifying haha) don't like reifying. 

So that leaves us definitionless. I am what? 

The answer is you are. That's all you need to know. You are a being; you exist. You may be whatever you think you are, but first and foremost, you are. Simple right?

Not really. In existentialism, if you are then the first thing you have to deal with is the fact that at some time, you are not. One of the four ultimate concerns is death. My class spent A LOT of time with this. I didn't agree with everything, but I did think it was really interesting. The theory was basically that we need to recognize that we are going to die and not treat it as if it's going to happen far from now. 

So the point in believing that is that if you are living and doing things that you weren't necessarily going to do if you die, then that's "messed up". haha. Or at least that's how my teacher explained it.

This is where I kind of agreed and kind of disagreed. I think sometimes we do things that we wouldn't do if we were going to die just in case we don't die. Wow... that sounds weird. Here's an example...

I am going to study for my finals (well some of them). Now if I knew I was going to die before finals then I wouldn't bother. I know I wouldn't bother. But here's my logic:

If I knew I was going to die in two years I would still be going to college even though I knew I would never use the degree. Because I'm in it for the learning... but maybe not for the grade. However, to continue learning, I have to pass to continue on. Therefore, just in case I don't die... haha... I'm going to study for my final. 

Anyway... just in case you were wondering... and for my own facts the other ultimate concerns are freedom, meaning, and isolation... all of which fascinate me to tears. So the next time you see me, don't bring up psychology, unless you are prepared to get an earful of existentialism. :D

I'm resisting the urge to talk about the other three. Ughhhhh.... :D

Hmmm.... :D

I love it when I do what I'm supposed to despite obstacles because good things always happen. Or at least eventually. Here was my day yesterday.

1. My alarm didn't go off and so I woke up 10 mintues late to work, made the girl I was supposed to work for miss class and a quiz. Needless to say, I felt HORRIBLE. I don't like letting people down and that was a big one.

2. I was late to my first class as well, didn't do the reading and when usually she makes us write our "question" on a sheet of paper and then turn it in, this time she wanted us to write them on the board. Ugh. Luckily I thought of a question before I went up.

3. When I got to work for my shift, I got written up, and cried in the kitchen for like 20 minutes. :'(

4. Then I went to german and had all my friends in there get mad at me because I was trying to help them with the homework instead of giving them all the answers. I just wanted them to think a little. One girl even just put her head down on the desk. :(

5. So after all that I went home and got ready to go to the temple with Julie, and right before we left she handed me a letter from the Student Auxiliary Services telling me that I didn't get the SAS grant and I don't really know how I'm paying for life in general next year. :-S

But I still went to the temple even though I didn't feel the least bit spiritual. It was so wonderful! I saw my best friend from last summer, and we got to talk for a few minutes about life. We definitely both needed to see each other. It was great. And honestly just being in the temple helped a lot. And the rest of the day was just as wonderful! I have a date next weekend, Justin and I are on good terms with everything and we're even on the same page for once, I talked to Monie this morning (I miss her), and I started my goal book and have several goals in it and already have the list I'm working on for April. I even started thinking about other things during my bad day that went well and came up with... I found people to take my shifts :D and I got my favorite locker at work.

So all bad days have highlights, and eventually come to an end. And today is wonderful! And honestly I should just be grateful that most of my days are good days because it hasn't always been like that.

"Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy!"