Song of the Heart

Two of my favorite songs on two of my favorite instruments. Could it get any better? <3

I am...

Remember that post from a while ago about choosing how to define ourselves. Well most of that stemmed from Women's Studies because that happened to be the topic of the day. Well as usual another one of my classes gave me some ideas as to the answer. Or at least... MY answer.

I am... 

still very powerful. Still a definition. Still very solid and very unchanging. So... how do we define ourselves?

The answer:

We don't.

Today in my personality class the lecture was on existentialism. Yeah my brain wants to explode after just typing the word. Existentialism is basically the belief that we exist. That we are. Or that I am...

They don't believe in reifying. Reifying is the act of making something real that wasn't before, and honestly I agree wholeheartedly. In language in general we've created terms to define something that before didn't exist. Such as the unconscious, schizophrenia, and other similar things.

While making these definitions  who is the one determining what is real? What if we are just making up terms for things that don't actually exist. Hence the reason existentialists (which don't actually exist because that would be considered reifying haha) don't like reifying. 

So that leaves us definitionless. I am what? 

The answer is you are. That's all you need to know. You are a being; you exist. You may be whatever you think you are, but first and foremost, you are. Simple right?

Not really. In existentialism, if you are then the first thing you have to deal with is the fact that at some time, you are not. One of the four ultimate concerns is death. My class spent A LOT of time with this. I didn't agree with everything, but I did think it was really interesting. The theory was basically that we need to recognize that we are going to die and not treat it as if it's going to happen far from now. 

So the point in believing that is that if you are living and doing things that you weren't necessarily going to do if you die, then that's "messed up". haha. Or at least that's how my teacher explained it.

This is where I kind of agreed and kind of disagreed. I think sometimes we do things that we wouldn't do if we were going to die just in case we don't die. Wow... that sounds weird. Here's an example...

I am going to study for my finals (well some of them). Now if I knew I was going to die before finals then I wouldn't bother. I know I wouldn't bother. But here's my logic:

If I knew I was going to die in two years I would still be going to college even though I knew I would never use the degree. Because I'm in it for the learning... but maybe not for the grade. However, to continue learning, I have to pass to continue on. Therefore, just in case I don't die... haha... I'm going to study for my final. 

Anyway... just in case you were wondering... and for my own facts the other ultimate concerns are freedom, meaning, and isolation... all of which fascinate me to tears. So the next time you see me, don't bring up psychology, unless you are prepared to get an earful of existentialism. :D

I'm resisting the urge to talk about the other three. Ughhhhh.... :D

Hmmm.... :D

I love it when I do what I'm supposed to despite obstacles because good things always happen. Or at least eventually. Here was my day yesterday.

1. My alarm didn't go off and so I woke up 10 mintues late to work, made the girl I was supposed to work for miss class and a quiz. Needless to say, I felt HORRIBLE. I don't like letting people down and that was a big one.

2. I was late to my first class as well, didn't do the reading and when usually she makes us write our "question" on a sheet of paper and then turn it in, this time she wanted us to write them on the board. Ugh. Luckily I thought of a question before I went up.

3. When I got to work for my shift, I got written up, and cried in the kitchen for like 20 minutes. :'(

4. Then I went to german and had all my friends in there get mad at me because I was trying to help them with the homework instead of giving them all the answers. I just wanted them to think a little. One girl even just put her head down on the desk. :(

5. So after all that I went home and got ready to go to the temple with Julie, and right before we left she handed me a letter from the Student Auxiliary Services telling me that I didn't get the SAS grant and I don't really know how I'm paying for life in general next year. :-S

But I still went to the temple even though I didn't feel the least bit spiritual. It was so wonderful! I saw my best friend from last summer, and we got to talk for a few minutes about life. We definitely both needed to see each other. It was great. And honestly just being in the temple helped a lot. And the rest of the day was just as wonderful! I have a date next weekend, Justin and I are on good terms with everything and we're even on the same page for once, I talked to Monie this morning (I miss her), and I started my goal book and have several goals in it and already have the list I'm working on for April. I even started thinking about other things during my bad day that went well and came up with... I found people to take my shifts :D and I got my favorite locker at work.

So all bad days have highlights, and eventually come to an end. And today is wonderful! And honestly I should just be grateful that most of my days are good days because it hasn't always been like that.

"Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy!"

Plans

So I have many many plans. There is so much I want to do and be that I've got to get crackin'. haha. So here are some ideas I had that I'm going to try to implement in my life... and yes... some of these should have been there a long time ago.

First of all, I'm going to study my scriptures and say at least one meaningful prayer a day. This is the part that I should have been doing since birth (haha) but I shouldn't dwell on that; I just need to start now.

Second, I think I want to go through the Strength for Youth pamphlet and write down as many goals as I can think of that pertain to each section. Then maybe once a month I'll choose one, and work on it for the month. It takes about 21 days to start or break a habit, so I think this'll be a good time limit.

Third, I'm going to start planning financially, so that I can figure out how to pay off my debt quicker. It'll be nice when that's gone.

Also... I have secret plans for May... they aren't too secret, but I won't divulge them here. hee hee

Fourth I want to go to the temple once a month. Starting today.

Fifth I think I'm going to start a list of my currents goals... because goals that aren't written down are wishes.