School

I've decided that I need to stress more about school. I just finished my last final and I don't feel any different than I have all semester. Maybe if I stress more then I will appreciate the breaks more. 

Or something like that.

I'm moving!!!

So if any of you saw this post and thought, "Huh, I wonder if she had anything to say about that?" haha. My computer was being dumb and I haven't had time to go back and fix it. 

But anyway, that's right! I'm moving. Not too far away though. About two blocks actually. It's called Belmont Apartments. My new address is going to be 195 E 600 N # 33! You can leave off the exclamation point though. haha. When I offically move in I'll take some pictures of my actual apartment, but that won't be for a couple weeks. YAY! I'm pretty excited if you couldn't tell.

Lessons I've learned at BYU

1. God is WAY smarter than me

2. Close to nothing will work out the way you plan, but it always works out

3. Learning occurs more often outside the classroom

4. Sometimes to be happy you have to learn to face fears

5. Being trusted is more important than being loved

6. Sometimes choosing the right hurts

7. Sometimes you have to close window to open a door

8. There is no such thing as "normal"

9. Striving for perfection is demoralizing; striving for excellence is empowering

10. No matter how difficult life gets, the important thing is to live it with hope

E'en the Past Enjoy II

"For he lives twice who can at once employ

The present well, and e'en the past enjoy."

-Alexander Pope

Yes, it's hard to see a beautiful day end. Sometimes it's hard to believe that there will ever be a day as beautiful as the last. My tree lost its leaves, my sun set, and my book ended, and it's true that maybe this day wasn't as beautiful as the last. Maybe my tree didn't have as many leaves as it did the year before... maybe my book didn't end happily. This time. 

But once again I am watching my tree lose its leaves; I'm watching my sun set; and yes, I'm reading the last page of that book. And I've learned a lot, and I will never be the same because of this place.  It helped me grow and learn about myself, my relationship with people, but most of all my relationship with God. But as I watch the leaves fall from this tree, the sun setting... I can't help but feel a peace. No matter what, everything will work out. It may not be how I planned, but "life's what happens when you're busy making other plans" right? The most important thing I learned here is that no matter what the circumstances, there is always hope. There is always a light shining in the darkness. "Even in the darkness every color can be found." I've learned to find those colors, and not dwell on the darkness. At least for the most part. 

So... now on to another book. I'll tell you how this one ends.

Really Interesting Title Insert [here]

So yesterday was supposed to be my worst day. I hadn't studied for this test that I HAD to take then, and I was freaking out. I kept saying, "I'm going to fail" and this time I wasn't joking. So I go to class (the one for the test) and Dr. Brown tells us that because he made a typo we only have to do 25 points instead of thirty. The test is set up kinda funny, but trust me that's a good thing. Then he said that if our grade on the paper is higher than either test he'll replace our test with our paper grade!!!! AHHHH! So yeah... that was good.

Then I stayed up until 2 the night before (not regrettably though because I had a fanstastic night) and got the programs done for the talent show but since I had to add/delete people I couldn't print them until after work. So I as I was stressing to get that done, I was checking my voicemails and Robyn had called to tell me that someone wants my contract!!!!! YAY!! So now I've already called Belmont and they said they have contracts, and I'm on my way... hopefully. I haven't actually talked to that girl and so I don't know if that's going to work out yet. Wish me luck!

So anyway, one of my worst days also ended up being one of my best. It's funny how things like that seem to happen. 

I will now stop telling you about random days in the life of Candice Nicole Burk, and begin writing that paper that definitely needs to be better than that test. I know for a FACT that I'm going to need it. I also know for a FACT that it's not going to be hard to beat the score I got on that test. A baby could probably do it. haha. 

Come What May, and Love It

This was an amazing talk, and while everyone is thinking that I should be focusing on the part about having hope and how eventually everything will be better, that was not the part that stood out to me. I already know everything won't be this way forever, and yes, it hurts now, but I know I will have so much more happiness because of it. This is what stood out to me:

"How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't--at least not in the moment. I don't think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don't think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretend happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life." Elder Joseph B Wirthlin

Thank you Elder Wirthlin. Thank you for telling me that it's ok to cry. That it's ok to feel pain. That it's ok to be disappointed. Because it seems I'm told a lot that it's a sin to be hurt by others or be disappointed in them. Now I can just let myself feel and not feel bad because I'm being selfish or a brat. Because "pain is pain, and it doesn't matter how you're heart gets broken... it still hurts." I love our leaders. And I love my Heavenly Father for knowing what I needed to hear. 

Yet another thought from the girl who blogs too much...

I mostly think of people as puzzle pieces. Some fit with others, and then some don't fit at all. Some fit a little but you have to shove really hard, and even then there are little gaps, and the big picture doesn't really match up. Sometimes you find puzzle pieces that belong to a different puzzle. Sometimes you are missing pieces. And then finally after much searching you find two pieces that fit perfectly and the big picture becomes a little more clear. And with each fit the picture slowly becomes more beautiful. 

Letter to the Broken Hearted

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

I know that you're hurt

I know that you're scared

I know it's hard to believe 

That anyone really cares.

But I do.

I know you want to talk

I see your silent tears

I know you think I'll judge

the reason behind your fears

But I won't

I know your heart is broken

I know you don't know why

I know you think it's silly

that you always want to cry

But I don't

Right now you say you need me

So I am here for you

I know you think I'm busy

That I have better things to do

But I don't

I know no one will listen

I've been there once as well

I know no one will understand

That right now you're in hell

But I will

I won't be here to critique

I won't be here to mend

I won't be here to be rational

I won't be here to defend

I'll just sit and hold you

Like no one else will do

I'll listen without words

I'll just be here with you

Yours with Love Always

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November 4, 2009

So it's been over a year since I've started my blog. Huh. I wonder if I've changed any? Well next year I want to know if I've changed, so in this post I'm going to put some stuff about my self, and see if anything changes in a year. 

Favorites:

Music:

Freckles-Natasha Bedingfield

Happy-Melenie Smith

Say It's Possible-Terra Naomi

Movies:

Pride and Prejudice (any version, recently it's been the mormon version)

Sound of Music

It's been over a year since I stopped watching PG 13 movies, and I've only watched two since then. haha. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and Music and Lyrics

Books:

Twilight series (sadly I guess, but I like them)

anything by Jack Weyland

Food:

Allison's eclair dessert mmmm...

Mashed potatoes

Tomato soup with crushed cheese Pringles in it... yeah I'm weird

Color:

blue

Friends:

Monie (just had a baby), Hannah (is due in April, got married in June), Kat-ryn (is awesome), Tikla (just got into a relationship with Austin (October). I hope she doesn't mind me mentioning that lol)

Roommates: 

BDA 30 with Robyn and Allison

School:

Brigham Young University, Psychology major and I LOVE IT!

Work:

BYU Bookstore, Candy Department and I don't love it. I stock things in the Twilight Zone.

Weather:

Rainy... all the time. It just snowed in the mountains. It's been cold cause it's rainy, but to me it really isn't that bad. I don't need a coat very often.

Gas:

Here in Provo, UT it's $2.55, but in Sedalia, MO it's $1.95! It hasn't been that low in a REALLY long time.

Boys:

I stopped writing Justin, but he just sent me an email, so we'll see where that goes.

History:

Today is the presidential election. It's between John McCain (R) and Barack Obama (D). I'm pretty sure Obama is going to win, and I'm also very sure that's not a good thing. Barack Obama is an African American which will definitely make history no matter what, and John McCain's VP is Sarah Palin which is weird because she's a woman. Also, during the primaries, Mitt Romney (a mormon) was actually doing pretty well until he dropped out.

So I guess I'm weird, but I'm curious to see how many of these things are different around this time next year. I guess we'll see. 

It's Possible :'(

I see the lights are turning
And i look outside the stars are burning
Through this changing time
It could have been anything we want
Its fine salvation was just a passing thought.

Dont wait act now
This amazing offer wont last long
Its only a chance to pave the path were on
I know there are more exciting things to talk about
And in time well sort it out

And though they say its possible to me
I dont see how its probable
I see the course were on
Spinning farther from what i know
Ill hold on
Tell me that you wont let go
Tell me that you wont let go

And truth is such a funny thing
With all these people
Keep on telling me
They know whats best
And what to be frightened of
And all the rest are wrong
They know nothing about us

And though they say its possible to me
I dont see how its probable
I see the course were on
Spinning farther from what i know
Ill hold on
Tell me that you wont let go
Tell me that you wont let go

Im not alright

This could be something beautiful
Combine our love into something wonderful
But times are tough i know
And the pull of what we cant give up takes hold

Broken Notes

Some people's lives are beautiful paintings. Vibrant colors fill the canvas. It's full of blue skies and rainstorms and mountains and molehills. Through each beautiful stroke of color you can see the love, the hate, the joy, the anguish. You look at these people and see their beauty, their poise, their value. Everything is laid out in a beautiful portrait of who they are. 

But others, yes, some people cannot be beautiful works of art. Not everything can always be laid out for everyone to see. Some people have a beautiful melody. It may take a while to get there, to finally see the beauty. You may have some wrong notes, some minor chords. But at the end you see how all of these things really work into a beautiful melody that, without the wrong notes and minor chords, would have never been that amazing. To love me you have to hear my song. Listen to the hum of my voice when I tell you I'm fine. You'll be amazed at what you'll hear. 

Perfection isn't everything

Cause a face without freckles

is like a sky without stars

Why waste a second

Not loving who you are.

Those little imperfections

Make you beautiful, lovable, valuable

They show your personality inside your heart

Reflecting who you are.

True Beauty

This shows how beauty is made. I really liked this.

"If you truly expect to realize your dreams, abandon the need for blanket approval. If conforming to everyone else's expectations is the number one goal, you have sacrificed your uniqueness and, therefore, your excellence." - Don Ward

Missing

What is "missing"? What makes us miss things? I miss my mom, but not all the time. Same for Monie, my brother, my grandma. I even miss things like fields and my cat and my bed and how my house smells and the mess. I really miss the mess. It was more carefree than my life here will ever be. But what exactly am I feeling when I miss these things? What do I want? Cause I don't want to move home. Do I want those things to come to me? I don't really know. What about missing people? Sometimes people are missed even though you just saw them. I heard this quote once that said it's not about the time or the distance; it's about that one moment when you wish they were there. Is that it? Is it about wanting someone's presence? And what does that do for people? I mean if my roommate and I are home and neither of us are talking to each other, how is that different than being alone? Is it the idea that you could talk to someone if you wanted? What is it about being alone that scares so many people? I mean there's this one philosopher a long time ago, I can't remember which one because I'm learning about too many, but he says that to remain happy he had to be away from people. I think I'm very much the same way. Then why do I miss people? What is it about people that makes me go out of my way to make them happy, or to keep them in my life? Especially the ones that don't make me happy. The ones that I have fun times with, but in the long run I end up being hurt by them a lot. Why do I miss that? What about it do I miss?  Is it the familiarity? Is it the sense of belonging? I wish I understood what I am missing. Because I don't think it's people. It's something that people are doing for me. Something I can't pin point. But if I ever could pin point it could I ever make myself stop missing it? Could I find a replacement? I know many people that stop missing things. A few of my good friends stopped missing me. Why can't I stop missing them too? What am I missing? I hope I can find it soon. Because this is affecting me way more than it should be.

So Many Beautiful Reasons to be Happy

Landlord's knocking at my door, cussing me out

Got laid off my job the night before

I can't feel how I'm gonna fix tomorrow when yesterday's still a mess

Can you tell me whats the point when it all seems meaningless?



Wish that I could step away and breathe

This world's trying to swallow me

Clear away the clouds inside my head

Someone just tell me that it's ok now... what are you worrying about?



Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Got my friends, got the sunshine above

Why am I making this hard on myself, 

When there are so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy?



People lie (People lie)

People hide (People hide)

People cry (People cry)

People fight... (People fight) and they don't know why

If fear is all that we should fear, then what are we so afraid of?

Cause fear is all in our heads... So why do we let it control us?



Fear makes me forget how sweet the simple things in life really are

Fear makes me believe that I'm alone

Someone just tell me that it's ok now... what are you worrying about?



Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Got my friends, got the sunshine above

Why am I making this hard on myself, 

When there are so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy?



Any day now I will go mad thinking everyone is against me,

And the world wants to fight me

Preparing to batle an enemy unseen

Through my stressing,

I'm blinded to the lessons

That could be a blessing

Iif I be confessin

That the enemy I'm trying to beat is hiding inside of me

But it's ok now, what am I worrying about?



Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Got my friends, got the sunshine above

Why am I making this hard on myself, 

When there are so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy?



Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Got my friends, got the sunshine above

Why am I making this hard on myself, 

When there are so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy?

;)

I'm having one of those days. Do you know what I mean? Probably not... you probably think I mean one of THOSE days. Today is one of those days when your just happy to be happy. I don't have to be in love, get an A on a test, or get the lead in a play. I'm living. Everything is laid out in front of me. I can learn anything I want. I can go wherever I want. Nothing can hold me down. And I don't have to be anyone else to do it either. If I want to learn to cook, sew, dance, or act then I don't have to worry about who the rest of the world is comparing me to. They don't matter. What matters is that I am happy. Life can be as exciting as you make it. And I think I'm finally ready to begin mine. And I'm not going to depend on anything unreliable ever again. I'm going to sing like nobody's listening, love like I've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like it's heaven on earth. When the skies are blue, the grass is green, the storms have passed, I can finally see that I'm going to thank my Father for the life he's given me. And when the storms come on, and the sky is gray, when the world is dull, now I can finally say, thank you Father for this wonderful day.

I am..

...idealistic, a peacemaker, diplomatic, refined, poised, gracious, kind, courteous, fair-minded, sociable, charming, artistically creative, affable, cooperative, extroverted, and usually somewhat indecisive.

I thought this was funny because it's how they described my sign. I actually do fit all of them in some way or another.

I ain't in Sedalia anymore

I heard this song and it sounded WAY too similar not to rewrite it a little. I did it really fast so it's kinda bad, but I want to post it anyway.

Where 65 meets 50,

There's a single stop light town,

And with railways always running,

It was not my favorite sound,

On any given Friday night,

We'd drive a hundred miles,

Between the Sonic and the Grocery Store,

Laughing all the while,

With as many friends as we could pack,

In my best friend's Ford,

But I ain't in Sedalia anymore.

 

My college in Utah,

Holds more people than our town,

And what I just paid for rent,

Would be a down payment on a house,

I'd rather be tipping cows in Warrensburg,

Than taking buses in Provo,

But I ain't in Sedalia anymore.

 

I'm in a world so wide,

It makes me feel small sometimes,

I miss the big blue skies,

the old Missouri kind.

 

In a world of friendly faces,

Where I am understood,

All the “Congratulations” flashing,

Could make a girl feel pretty good,

You can get anything you want here,

Except a Wal-Mart store,

But I ain't in Sedalia anymore.

 

I'm in a world so wide,

It makes me feel small sometimes,

I miss the big blue skies,

the old Missouri kind.

 

Where the Tigers beat the Jay Hawks,

Scott Joplin day and the state fair,

After prom, down at the bowling lanes,

Catching crappie fish in Clover Dell lake,

I ain't in Sedalia anymore.

 

I'm in a world so wide,

It makes me feel small sometimes,

I miss the big blue skies,

the old Missouri kind,

But I ain't in Sedalia,

No I ain't in Sedalia,

Oh, there's nothing like my Missouri.

 

Where 65 meets 50,

There's a single stoplight town.

I really should be studying.

...

I want to matter...

Zzzzz.....

Yeah that's pretty much how I feel right now. But I will NOT go to bed. No siree. Or however you spell that. 

So right at this moment I am cleaning the kitchen, my bedroom (doesn't look half bad right now), and I'm doing both while listening to Norton Scores on my ipod. I think that... oh and I'm doing laundry... I think THAT is a very productive night. See dates are evil I proved it. I am most productive on Friday nights. What would I do if I had a date. I'd never get ANYTHING done ;)

So anyway, besides the constant running life is pretty much dull. My classes are turning out to be a lot different than I expected. It seems no matter how many times I take classes at college, I still look at my schedule and think, "This is going to be impossible." It never is. Most of the time it's fairly simple. At least I'm pleasantly surprised.

So I've only missed one deadline, and I'm fairly certain that it's a small one, so I'm not worried. Biology thesis. In my opinion the paper will probably be what counts the most. But that's just my opinion. 

So I don't really have a social life. I'm kinda too busy. But it's not really bugging me too much. I think I prefer this to spending a lot of time with acquaintances. I'm much too hard on my acquaintances, but any time I'm with any of them I feel like I'm wasting my time. And honestly, I am. So I'm glad I'm busy.

General Conference starts tomorrow. Unfortunately my work has it out for me... again. I have to work for the entire Saturday sessions. The same thing happened last year except it was Sunday, and I was at the MTC. And it happened both semesters. Even funnier is that I'm the only non-full time person who has to work through BOTH sessions. Lame huh? Every one else can at least make it to one or the other.

I'm such a complainer. So anyhow, my mommy is coming to visit me next weekend. It's my birthday next Saturday. I'm going to be 2o. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it. I'm kinda excited because I will finally be counted as a real adult (not a teenager), but at the same time... 20 IS SO OLD! lol

So I've pretty much taken up all the doors, the shower rod, suitcases, and the laundry facilities with my wet laundry. It's EVERYWHERE! I love it. My roommate isn't home right now, and Allison is sleeping so what does she care? I'm doing it. 

Monie had her baby. Kady Scarlett Combs. I'm so excited. She is such a cute baby. I can't wait to go home for Christmas to meet her. I bet she'll already have sarcastic facial expressions. 

I don't know if I mentioned this, but Justin and I are no longer writing or anything. I don't even think we are friends anymore. No wait I did mention that... kinda. I didn't explain anything though. Here's what happened. Justin had been getting a little too obsessed with us getting married and what not... well at some point he thought it would be a good idea to propose. He sent me several pictures, and the first one was him holding a sign that said, "Marry me?" I wrote him back and told him that I couldn't write him anymore. Then he emailed back and asked me if he still had a chance, and I had to say no. He hasn't written me back yet. I still wonder what he's thinking. Is he mad? Is he crying? I know he probably cried. Is he plotting? Does he even care? What is he thinking? But unfortunately I may never know. Because I will never ask, and he will never tell me. If we even talk again. I miss him.

Hannah's pregnant... wasn't sure if I mentioned that either. She's due on my G-ma's birthday. April 7th. This'll be interesting.

I should go check on something... or just try not to fall asleep. I think this is pretty much the update of my life right now. Good night!

Poor Boring Blog

Have you ever had those days that go on FOREVER. I just had one of those yesterday. It seems like everything that happened yesterday happened a year ago. lol. Gotta love it when that happens. 

I don't think I can put what I feel into words. But I don't people are supposed to. If only feelings were like colors. With colors you can come up with random words that describe every level of that color. Can you imagine feeling "tickle-me-pink" or "macaroni"?

I wish we could put everything into words. Do you think there will ever be a time when we can put everything into words? Does the celestial language have a word for everything? I guess if God knows everything that would include how to explain everything. How strange. I wonder what that language sounds like.  Maybe it's a combination of several languages. Like how Joseph Smith had to say adieu in Jacob because no English word could justify the meaning behind it. Maybe we will find a definition for all words through all our languages. I doubt it. But I wish I could know more about that. You know, I think that's sad too. That the English language doesn't have a word like adieu. We need to work on that.

And they say that certain animals can see colors outside the colors we can see. Well that means that color exists right? Well, what does it look like? What would we call it? How did we ever come up with white or black in a world where nothing is absolute? How did we come up with any absolutes. Like happy and sad, black and white... and how did we come up with clear? How do you make something clear?

If you can't tell I'm really tired right now and so my brain is flying... not that it's not always that way... annoyingly I might add. I envy people who can turn their thoughts on mute. I wonder sometimes what it's like to think about nothing. Everytime I try to think about nothing, I quite literally think about nothing. And the concept of nothing. Which by the way is another absolute that doesn't ever technically exist.  I mean you can have zero apples on a table, so in that sense yes, there is nothing if you mean apples. But there is never nothing. And there is another absolute. Never and always... on this planet, I don't think this exists either. I say on this planet because God is always, our spirits are always, lots of things are always. But earthly wise, nothing is always... ah nothing... I can tell this is going to go on forever. 

I wish instead of boring the crap out everyone with my rambling I could just understand all these things. I wish I could comprehend forever and always and happy, but I can't. Maybe eventually I will, but not here. 

That's another thing I think drives a lot of us crazy, but it's very true. We will never understand celestial things on a telestial world. Sad to say, that is entirely true. When it comes to things like this I like to think of math. Sick, I know. But math is very much related to religion. 

First of all, you can't understand calculus in algebra. Not gonna happen, no matter how hard you try.

Second, laws do set us free. In math we learn more laws, and when we learn those laws we can do more with them. But there are always more laws to add to that. The same goes for progressing. As we progress God gives us higher and higher laws, and when we can learn to obey them he gives us more. But by knowing more and more laws the more power we hold, and therefore the more free we are. Math and religion are very similar. 

Ok. I'm done being boring and I seriously need to go to ward prayer. ;D

My Goals

These are my goals:

1. Try my hardest at whatever I set out to do

2. Listen twice as much as I talk

3. Be happy no matter what may be happening

4. Remember that I matter to my Heavenly Father 

(and not care if I matter to my friends)

5. Be of service to others in whatever way they need me to be

6. Love myself no matter my shape, intellect, or abilities

7. Learn a little about a lot of things and learn a lot about a few things

8. Enjoy loving people without letting it hurt me

9. Accept everyone and forgive quickly

10. Do everything and anything that brings me closer to my Heavenly Father

E'en the Past Enjoy

Every sun sets. Every tree eventually loses its leaves. Every book ends. Every moment changes.

But if the sun never set, we'd never see it rise. If the tree never lost it's leaves we'd never see it bloom. If the book never ended, there'd be no "happily ever afters". It's true that every moment changes. But with each end, there's a new beginning. 

And yes, sometimes the sun rises on a cloudy day. Sometimes trees don't bloom as beautiful as the year before. And some books don't have happy endings. But the great thing is, it's a cycle. The sun will eventually set again. The tree will eventually lose its leaves again. And there will always be another book. 

Sometimes it's hard to let the sun set when the day has been so beautiful. It's hard to believe that any day could be as beautiful as the one you just had. 

But then again. If we never had cloudy days, we could never dance in the rain or see the lightning or hear the thunder. We'd never have that moment when we're lost in God's power. 

"For he lives twice who can at once employ

The present well, and e'en the past enjoy."

-Alexander Pope

Uprooted

The roots have been pulled. They needed to plant her into a new place because her roots had grown too large to fit in the old pot. They searched, but there weren’t many places she could survive so finally they planted her somewhere they thought was nice. She did well there for a while but the scientists saw that she was wilting, and that she needed a new environment fast. But they waited. They slowly pulled the other plants around her, and each one took a small part of her roots. Then they tried to pull her, but she was stuck. Even with the little amount of root she had she still held on. Eventually the scientists got her out of the ground and put her back in the pot for a while. But again she soon grew too big for it. So the scientists planted her in a new place. This time she wasn’t near any other plants. She didn’t wilt this time, but her color was off. She was supposed to be a vibrant green but she was closer to a yellowy green. But even then she was surviving, and the scientists didn’t worry about her anymore. 

Locked Out?!

So... I'm kinda bored. Yes right at this moment I am locked out. I knew I was though. I couldn't find my keys this morning and I thought I wouldn't be back until after 8. But then I realized that I forgot socks for work, and I didn't have my computer or my textbooks and... yeah well. Today was the one day I actually would have liked to go home. lol. It figures.

So classes have BEGUN!! I love all my teachers, but I don't think I can say the same about the subjects they teach. History of Psychol.....zzzz.... oh... um... oh right. I think I can at least force interest in the other classes. I have Music Civilizations 2 and the teacher is hilarious, New Testament with a teacher I've had before, Biology with another awesome teacher and we're studying topics that I actually have a little interest in, Orientation to Psych Major isn't going to be hard so I have to like it, and I'm in an orchestra which I think is going to be really fun. Oh and recently I joined a Weight Lifting class. Weird huh? It's for my generals don't worry. lol.

Work has been going well. It's hard to work that much and get everything else done too, but I think I'll manage. It's hard to believe that I worked that much before, but then again I wasn't taking classes then, and I was bored all the time.

I'm pretty excited about my apartment situation. I mean, by no means will it be perfect, but I think, for me at least, it's going to be fun. My in-my-bedroom-roommate is Robyn. I met her last June when I moved back, and we just barely found out that we were roommates. She goes to UVU, and has served a mission in the Ukraine I think. She's teaching me Russian. Well kinda. I know how to say hi. I don't know how to spell it though, so you will have to take my word for it. hee hee.

So I'm just living day to day now. I really can't wait to go home for Christmas. I want to see Monie and her new baby. Plus, I miss my best friend. It's even harder when I don't have one at all, so I'm super excited to see her. Ooooh, and I'm pretty excited for Justin to get home. I might get to see him soon after too. He's starting to worry me a little bit, but I think it'll be ok. Especially since I just told him that I'm planning on serving a mission. lol

Oh yeah! Big news. When I turn 20, I'm going to start getting ready to go on a misson. That's October 11 which is NOT very far away. My mom was like, "That's funny. I never imagined you going on a mission." Bro. Preble said that finances wouldn't be an issue either. He said, "There'll be some way to pay for your mission, even if I have to do it." He's pretty awesome, and funny. But I've already talked about him enough in my blog. lol.

So that about wraps it up... my life in a little blurb. And what's funny, is most of this occurred in the past week. lol. So onward to studying! YAY! ... not.

Education Week

Education week is over!!!! Finally. Now the schedule is only going to get weirder until fall finally starts. 

I move in MONDAY! I'm pretty excited. They've already started redoing the whole thing. I have a new refrigerator, dishwasher, and soon to be light above the sink. I think they are getting me new carpet too. I'm pretty excited about my roommates too. It's going to be hard though; I can tell. I saw one of my old roommates with her new roommates and that was kind of hard in and of itself. I think I'm finally going to have to realize that they are my OLD roommates. And that my life is totally different and so is theirs. And honestly, I need to figure out a life that doesn't involve them. I figured that out yesterday, and for the second time this summer... I cried. Silly huh? For heaven's sake. I. am. so. emotional. Puhlease! I am not a good adapter. I've gone my entire life with a best friend or friends, and for the next three years I'm going to have to do this college thing like everyone else is, and just enjoy having a ton of friends that won't really mean anything after I graduate. Great. I'm so excited. Man, emo much?

So Deena called me a social bug today. Ha ha. I was like, "No seriously, you don't understand. I am NOT a social bug... anywhere else." Well at the Bookstore she's right. I'm a social bug. Weird. I talk to everyone. Oh and today I had a new experience. I was getting off my break and happened to be walking through General Book (not clocked in, or wearing my apron or name tag) and some lady was like, "Do you work here?" I said, "Um... yeah actually." Wow. I've officially got it printed on my forehead. Unfortunately I didn't work in General Book, so I could only point her in the direction of the information desk, but still... sad.

Deena was funny today. Since it was Education Week this week, we've been stressed like none other. Her especially. Well The Bookstore has been open until 10, and I'm the closing person. Hooray. Well it was like 9:45 and Deena said, "We need to say something mean to Phil." So she said something about the downstairs cooler breaking, and I said, "Wait when did that happen?" And she said, "It didn't." So I looked at her and said, "Oh we're going to lie." So I started looking around the Twilight Zone, searching for things that could have gone wrong today. I came up with the microwave exploding. We changed it to someone putting a hotdog in it with the foil still on to make it more believable. We even added some true ones like: hair in the german chocolate fudge, and the donut guys spilling the donuts, and running out of fruit. We also said that Julia fell down the stairs, someone knocked over the apple barrels and spilled water everywhere, the freezer door got left open and the top icecream melted, the registers crashed (which did happen Tuesday), Carol broke the nut machine (which did happen Wednesday), well... anyhow, you get the point. So we told Phil all of this saying, "Aren't you glad you weren't here, and aren't we glad it's over. lol. It was fun. Everyone was really loopy this week. Even Deena apparently. It was awesome, but I'm glad I don't have to work 2-10 or 1-10 anymore. My whole body hurts. 

So that was my life this week. Oh and I talked to Tikla on... Wednesday. Technically. I finally worked up some courage and conquered my fear. I so totally rock and you know it!

So THAT was my life this week. I'm glad it's over, but I'm glad it happened too. Now on to preparing for fall. Puh. So NOT looking forward to that scenario. Well, til the next time I write! Tchuss!

Summer

You know... this summer has been amazing... and nothing like I predicted it would be. I thought I would be at home bored half out of my mind, especially after Monie and Hannah left. But no... I took action, and I left too. I think that was the best decision I've made in a long time. 

This has been one of the best summer's of my life. And honestly all I did was work and read. No joke, that pretty much just sums it up. But I've changed a lot this summer. Outside and in. I have more confidence now. I truly understand that I'm a likable person and that just because one person... or two don't get along with me, that doesn't make me unlovable. It just means that I'm unlovable to them. And honestly, I don't need to be loved by everyone. 

You know what helped the most. A couple things really. The first was the BYU Bookstore. A blessing in disguise if you ask me. I was nervous at first. I knew I would be giving things up if I worked at the bookstore, but I did it anyway. I remember last year the one place outside my apartment where I could be myself was the MTC. I didn't think I could ever work in a place that was as much fun. Boy was I wrong. The Bookstore is a thousand times better. And I'm making real friendships where at the MTC I mostly made acquaintances. Not that I don't love them, I just wasn't as close. I've worked at the Bookstore for three months and I still look forward to it. I can't wait until fall when we start getting busier and more crazy. 

Also, I don't feel like a burden anymore. Granted I don't vent as much as I used to which probably helps ;D My life is so amazing right now... for no good reason. I'm just deciding that it's good right now. And it is. There's no drama, no instability. That's the one thing I don't like. Not knowing who will stay and who will go. Being afraid of making myself to vulnerable without meaning to. But it's ok. I'm guarding my heart and giving exactly how much is needed for the situation. There's a phrase that I heard once that is so true that I need to remember:

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will, so don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future. 

I figured out that I have people come into my life for all sorts of reasons. Some were meant to stay, some were meant to stay momentarily to change me into the person I was meant to become, and I think some were meant to distract me... to make me think that I am not supposed to be anything. That is not true. God has a plan for me just as much as he does for anyone else. 

Another thing I figured out this summer is no one is better than me. Different... of course. But not better. We were all given the trials we can handle, the gifts to help us become great, minds to help us figure it all out in our own way, and hearts to help us love each other for our differences. We are all different. My visiting teachers helped me with that. Last year I was the odd duck out for most of Freshman year. Mostly because I wasn't bubbly and happy and excited about EVERYTHING all the time. I was mellow and sad and happy and zoned out and goofy and obnoxious at times. But that just made me different not worse. My visiting teachers this last summer were like me. I love them to death! We would be talking about guys and people in general and Vanessa told me that, yeah, a lot of guys are attracted to the happy, bubbly, excited girl. But not all of them. Some prefer quiet, sensitive, emotionally well rounded girls. And that goes for a lot of people. So I just have to find the people who love me for me. Which is apparently not that difficult. ;D

Other people who helped me figure this out were Dani and Kathryn. They helped me figure out that even though we don't live together that doesn't mean they are kicking me out of their lives. We'll always be good friends even if we don't see each other for a while. And you know, I think the summer helped me with that too. I probably won't see my old roommates very much anymore, but that's ok. I've created a new less spastic life for myself. One that fits me rather than finding a life that can fit all of them in it too. Because they don't think of people the same way I do. Individuals are very important to me. People are important to them. It's not better or worse... it's just different. And I can see that I only need people in my life who need me in theirs. And those who need me in their lives will keep me there. I won't have to do everything. And now I think I'm at a point where either way it won't matter to me. Because I know I'll be happy either way. So I will let whoever else decide what makes them happy. 

I love my life. Everything is working out for the best right now, and I am no longer blind to it. It's an amazing feeling... to see first hand what God does in our lives. I love Him so much and I know He loves me too. He wants me to be the best I can, and He will do everything in his power to help that happen. Sometimes it'll hurt and sometimes it'll be amazing but either way it's for the best! So bring it on! 

Like I said this was the best summer of my life!

Awesome Story

I heard this story at Youth Conference a few years ago and I loved it. Well today I finally remembered it and was able to find it on the internet. YAY!

At a certain college, there was a professor with a reputation for 
being tough on Christians. At the first class every semester, he 
asked if anyone was a Christian, whereupon he proceeded to degrade
any poor soul that timidly answered "Yes," mocking his/her statement
of faith. 
One semester, he asked the question and a young freshman raised his 
hand. The professor asked, "Did God make everything, young man?" 
He replied, "Yes sir, he did!" 
The professor responded, "If God made everything, then he made evil." 
The student didn't have a response and the professor was happy to 
have once again proved the Christian faith to be a myth. 
Then another student raised his hand and asked, "May I ask you 
something, sir?" 
"Yes, you may," responded the professor. 
The young man stood up and said "Sir, is there such a thing as cold?" 
"Of course there is, what kind of question is that? Haven't you ever 
been cold?" 
However, to the professor's surprise, this young chap 
replied, "Actually, sir, cold doesn't exist. What we consider to be 
cold, is really an absence of heat. Absolute zero is when there is 
absolutely no heat, but cold does not really exist. We have only 
created that term to describe how we feel when heat is not there." 
Then the young fellow continued, "Sir, is there such a thing as 
dark?" 
Once again, the professor responded "Of course there is." 
And once again, the young man replied "Actually, sir, darkness does 
not exist. Darkness is really only the absence of light. Darkness is 
only a term man developed to describe what happens when there is no 
light present." 
The final question posed by our young friend went like this, "Sir, 
is there such thing as evil?" 
The professor responded, "Of course. We have rapes, and murders and 
violence everywhere in the world; those things are evil." 
The student replied, "Actually, sir, evil does not exist. Evil is 
simply the absence of good. Evil is a term man developed to describe 
the absence of good. God did not create evil. It isn't like truth, or love, 
which exist as virtues like heat or light. Evil is simply the state where good 
is not present, like cold without heat or darkness without light." 
The professor had nothing to say.

;D

The Insanity Never Stops!

They made another one!!! Mwah hahahahahahaha! Not sure why that calls for maniacal laughter... but it does.

Memories from my Freshman Year at BYU

The Ocean in Me

This one is my favorite...

I know when a storm is coming on, and I can tell

When tears are gonna fall

And I know what it's like when disappointments seem

To make you feel so small

I've become the extra when I wished to be the lead

And I have been the friend when I wished to be the girl

And sometimes all the faith in the world

Can still never change what isn't meant to be

But if I feel like just a teardrop in the rain

When I meant to be a river

God sees the ocean in me

And in the depths of all my sorrow and my pain,

When I ask to be delivered

He shows the ocean to me.

He sees all the things that I can't see,

And He dries every tear that falls down

And sooner or later

He opens my eyes

And finally I turn around

And find that as a servant I had really been a queen

And I had been a diamond when I thought that I was glass

And I know every heartbreak will pass

Just when it seems the hardest to believe

Cause if I feel like just a teardrop in the rain

When I meant to be a river

God sees the ocean in me

And in the depths of all my sorrow and my pain, 

When I ask to be delivered He shows the ocean to me.

He sees the ocean in me.

And I'm an ocean drawn to the light

Reaching for the sky

Pulled by gravity

And after every storm, I take another shape

Landing on a shore far beyond my dreams.

And if I feel like just a teardrop in the rain

When I meant to be a river

God see the ocean in me.

And in the depths of all my sorrow and my pain,

When I ask to be delivered

He shows the ocean to me.

He sees the ocean in me.

He sees the ocean in me.

-Cherie Call

Somebody Else's Shoes

Cinderella was a young girl.

She did her best to please the people 

who would never let her dreams come true

She wore the rages that they passed down

Until the day she found a perfect pair of shoes

She could tell by the size they were only meant for her

And when she put them on, 

from that moment she was sure when she said

"I've been walking too long in somebody else's shoes

I've been tripping on the laces, running into empty spaces

And I've been hanging around with people who make me blue

But I'm not walking anymore in those shoes"

Back here in real life,

I read that story and I wonder if I'm just the same as she

I'm wrapped in worldly visions, and my split decisions

take me places

That I never meant to be

And now the great and spacious building has me

scrubbing down the floors

And I've got to find a way to tell them

I can't work there anymore cause

I've been walking too long in somebody else's shoes

I've been tripping on the laces, running into empty spaces

And I've been hanging around in places that hide the truth

But I'm not walking anymore

In those shoes

Give me shoes that are comfortable on the straight and narrow way

With a soul that God can see straight through

Because my toes are curling under in the ones that 

I've been wearing

I need a pair that makes me feel brand new

I've been walking too long in somebody else's shoes

I've been tripping on the laces, running into empty spaces

And I've been  hanging around in places that hide the truth

But I'm not walking anymore

In those shoes.

I'm not walking anymore in those shoes.

-Cherie Call

Believe

I've been there and I've seen with those eyes

green with envy, dark with anger,

Or just plain blue.

And I know the last thing you really want to hear

Is just what I'm about to tell you,

But you have to hear the truth.

I know it's stylish to be cynical these days

So there's only one thing left to do:

Believe

Sometimes traffic lights are green,

Sometimes people keep their word,

In spite of everything you've heard,

It's true that,

Sometimes nice guys finish first,

Sometimes true love really lasts,

Sometimes all the world can change

If only you believe.

Still you say the phone rings every time you want to take a bath

Or take a nap, or you just need peace

But tell me this, did you really want to be

So all alone as you are now?

Don't you need a friend who knows

It's in the way you see the glass

Once you know that it's half full, it overflows

Every time that you

Believe

Sometimes Christmas's are white,

Sometimes wedding days are clear,

Sometimes rain falls right on time

To wash away your tears.

Sometimes cornfields touch the sky,

Sometimes sunsets make you cry,

Sometimes you see what Jesus sees

When you look in the mirror

And love isn't something that is just for everyone else

It's for you

Believe what I say is true

In spite of all the ways you feel right now

You've got to find some way some how to

Believe

Sometimes the good live long,

Sometimes kindness reaches far,

Sometimes you hear your favorite song

Right when you get in the car.

You don't have to move the sky,

But you can chase the clouds away

You don't have to change the world.

You might do it anyway.

Believe

Sometimes nice guys finish first

You don't have to change the world.

You might do it anyway.

-Cherie Call

The Only One Who Knows Me

Anyhow... I've been thinking about some things a lot lately. Oh and Kathryn you might want to stop reading now this might get a little mushy. lol

I'm getting a little impatient. March 25, 2009. 256 days away. That seems like a lot but he's been gone for a year and 5 months now, so yeah I'm getting a little impatient. What's worse is he may get home on March 25, 2009, but I'll be here in Utah, and he's going home to Missouri. And what if I go to Seattle for the summer? And what if he doesn't go to LDSBC? I have no clue when I'll actually get to see him. And honestly I really miss him. So far he's the only person I've been able to count on. We've had our ups and downs true, and there have been times when he's treated me really badly. I mean the year before his mission we didn't really talk to each other at all. Up until about a month before his mission that is. But for some strange reason no matter what was going on with us I knew I could go to him and he would drop almost anything to come help me. Weird huh?

I think it also helps that he knows me better than anyone on the planet. Including my own family. He notices everything. He can order for me at almost any restaurant. He knows how I eat square and round sandwiches and hot pizza. He knows my favorite color and movie. He even knows what my insecurities are. He's used that one against me. If he would have been around last year he would have seen my situation and without me having to say anything he would have just known how I was feeling. I was listening to this song called "Soulmate" and it says that we are all looking for someone who knows how to love us. Justin does. Freakishly well. I think it helped that he got to witness others mistakes as well. He was there for me for my whole relationship with Samuel, and he, unlike Samuel, go to hear my thoughts and feelings. He knows what bothers me now. He did before too. He knew exactly how to push my buttons when he wanted to. See most the people in my life now accidently hurt my feelings or annoy me. Half the time they don't realize it. He knows and does it on purpose, the little punk. 

But after all that, I still really miss him. I miss not having to explain myself. Or try to figure myself out because he always understood. It's good that I understand why I feel weird things at random times, but I miss having someone I can go up to with a smile on my face and he asks me what's wrong. No one knows me that well. I'm getting really impatient.

Love Like This

This reminds me of someone... hmmm :P

Institute

Let me just start by saying I love institute. It is so amazing. My favorite quote so far is "Don't judge other people for choosing to commit different sins than you." So true. lol. We also had this one conversation about how everything always needs to be perfect. He asked how many of us had tried to be perfect and almost everyone raised their hand. Then he said, "Well I can see that didn't work." He is an amazing teacher. Those were just some funny things. Oh on the same lines as the perfection thing... we were talking about people who act like they are happy all the time. His statement was funny. He said, "Those people who seem to be happy all the time, there's something wrong with them... no seriously there's something wrong." He said there's nothing wrong with being happy, but be genuinely happy. We all have bad moments, so let them out and move on. Then one girl responded with, "Let your defenses down, and let someone love you." I can obviously take that to an extreme, but I'm working on it. It's nice to know that I'm not crazy though. 

But anyway, we had our lesson on Elder Scott's talking about healing after abuse. At the beginning I didn't think it applied to me, but towards the end it was all I could do to not start crying. I discovered a few things about myself last Tuesday. I haven't forgiven my father for not loving me; I haven't learned to love myself and therefore have difficulty loving anyone else; and most importantly I haven't learned to love my Heavenly Father, but I want to desperately. The whole talk was about how to seek healing. Up until that night, I didn't think I was in need of any. I now know that I am, and that I need to talk to my Father. My real Father.

On Sunday, my second counselor challenged me to have "my knees be the first thing that hits the floor when I wake up". He told me to tell God about what I know I'm going to do today, and to help me through that, and to help me through what I don't know is going to happen. I half heartedly accepted. I really wanted to, but I knew by the next morning I would forget. 

And that's exactly what happened. Funny thing though. I went visiting teaching that night (last day, I know, but I just got my assignment so I'm using that as an excuse). So our first sister wanted me to say the closing prayer. I was like "Sure!" And in my head I was like "Oh no." I'm very uncomfortable with praying and public speaking. Don't ask me why. Then we go to our second sister... who also wanted me to say the closing prayer. Then I went to FHE (literally I was actually late for FHE because of visiting teaching)... and they wanted me to say the closing prayer. I finally gave up and said, "Ok Heavenly Father... I get it." 

Sad to say, the next morning I forgot as well. And this morning I forgot, but I was about to go take my shower and I remembered. So I went back in my room, and asked Heavenly Father to help me at work, and to help me know what portals I should open and which ones I should walk away from.

Here's the weird thing. I saw Dr. Day at work today. Dr. Day was my Intro to Family Processes teacher. Even weirder was... he remembered me. He had two classes with about 200 people in each class. He didn't remember my name, but he said, "You were in my 160 class... afternoon right?" I was a little shocked. But I was glad that I saw him because I've always wanted to thank him. See, his class was the one that helped me finally decide on a major. Especially the part about specializing in children. So I told him my story and thanked him. Then he invited me to do this research opportunity. He talked about it last fall, but I thought I was too young. He told me to email him and we could see about getting me into the 403R class that trains people to do research, and then next summer I would be working in Seattle conducting research. Crazy huh? I think I learned a valuable lesson from this. My Father is waiting patiently to bless me... I just need to ask. I've been receiving his help on important decisions without asking, but there has been so much more he has had to offer. Right now everything has just been working out. But with His plan... things could be amazing. I will try really hard to keep up with the second counselor's challenge. I need it for other reasons too. 

Brother Preble is the counselor who gave me that challenge and he told me two really cool things. 

1. If I knew who I was in the pre-existence then I would never doubt myself here on earth. 

2. This was more of a story. He asked me if I was born in the church. Then he said. 20 years ago 1 in 1000 people were LDS. He said to picture a beautiful room where I was looking out into eternity... waiting to go to earth. In this room with me were 999 other people. All of them were talking about what was going to happen. What is was going to be like to have a body. Then there is a hush. And Christ walks into the room. He looks at every single person. A look that says, "No matter what happens, everything will be ok." Then he comes over to me and says, "You're the one. You are the one who will be born a member of My church." 

I got shivers from that one. I am very lucky to have been born a member, and to have known my whole life the truth about life. That's an amazing blessing. And to whom much is given much is required. 

My blogs have been getting really religious lately... what can I say? But that doesn't bother me. I'm writing about the things that are leaving an impression on me. And if they all happen to be religious then so be it.  

Time Flies!

So I have been up to a lot and I just realized that I haven't really updated  info on my life. whoops. Well the biggest news is that a couple weeks ago I got a job stocking things at the BYU Bookstore. I work for the Candy Department, and therefore get all the perks. I sample fudge, eat spilled candy, get free pizza and hot dogs sometimes, and even orange juice. Not to mention the 20% discount and 10% discount on textbooks. I'm pretty excited. The people I work with are amazing too. The funniest has to be Phil. He makes up the most hilarious and random signs. My favorite has to be "The Epistle of Phil to the Stockites". The whole thing was written like it was in the Book of Mormon. It was hilarious. 

Anywho, today was church. I also had my Bishop's "get-to-know-you" interview and Bro. Preble kidnapped me too. I will have to admit that when I was talking with the bishop I was a little hesitant. Afterward I called my mom and even started crying because I missed Bishop Madsen. He is an amazing man though. We had joint Priesthood/Relief Society today and he gave the lesson. It was all on marriage and dating. Whoopee. But seriously, it was exactly what I needed to hear. I always tell myself that I'm not thinking about marriage right now, but that's not really true. Especially since I've only been on one date since I've been out here. I kept thinking "No one wants to even date me, who is going to want to marry me?" And then I would just figure that I'm going to marry Justin. But the Bishop said something that surprised me a little. He said "you have the right to be romantically in love with the person you are going to marry". He also told us to believe that we can have that kind of love. I like that he didn't tell us to hurry up and get married. He told us to take our time, and wait for the right person. We deserve to be the happiest we can be. I really liked that.

He was pretty funny too. He said something like, "We have some really wonderful sisters in this ward... the elders are... ok." It was funny.  He's British too. He was announcing that Glen Beck was speaking tonight about America. Then he said something like, "I really like America, that's why I always leave the country during the fourth of July and go back to Britain." It was a lot funnier when he said it though. And he really is leaving to go to visit his family in England on Tuesday. 

I'm going to bring my laptop to work tomorrow and put up some pictures of my FHE doing our service project. It was really fun. 

This is going to sound really lame, but I have so much going for me right now. I'm making all sorts of new friends, I have a job, a great ward, I fit in pretty well, but something is missing. Right now I'm just content. Not that that's bad. I'm happy really. I just feel like something is missing. I think I just miss having a best friend. But you know what, eventually I think I'll get used to it, and I'll laugh about the times when I needed one. It just takes a little time I suppose. Well I should "go to bed" aka "read The Host". I was doing really well at going to bed at a decent hour too. Well it's not like I need to right now. I go to work at like noon. Well "good night".

We Thank Thee Oh God for a Prophet

I know without question, my brothers and sisters, that God lives. I testify to you that this is His work. I testify as well that our Savior Jesus Christ is at the head of this Church, which bears His name. I know that the sweetest experience in all this life is to feel His promptings as He directs us in the furtherance of His work. I felt those promptings as a young bishop, guided to the homes where there was spiritual—or perhaps temporal—want. I felt them again as a mission president in Toronto, Canada, working with wonderful missionaries who were a living witness and testimony to the world that this work is divine and that we are led by a prophet. I have felt them throughout my service in the Twelve and in the First Presidency and now as President of the Church. I testify that each one of us can feel the Lord’s inspiration as we live worthily and strive to serve Him.

It was said of the Savior that He “went about doing good . . . for God was with him. May we follow that perfect example. In this sometimes precarious journey through mortality, may we also follow that advice from the Apostle Paul which will help to keep us safe and on course: “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

We are waging a war with sin, my brothers and sisters, but we need not despair. It is a war we can and will win. Our Father in Heaven has given us the tools we need in order to do so. He is at the helm. We have nothing to fear. He is the God of light. He is the God of hope. I testify that He loves us—each one.

Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea “Is there no balm in Gilead?”⁶ We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.

With all my heart and the fervency of my soul, I lift my voice in testimony today as a special witness and declare that God does live. Jesus is His Son, the Only Begotten of the Father in the flesh. He is our Redeemer; He is our Mediator with the Father. He loves us with a love we cannot fully comprehend, and because He loves us, He gave His life for us. My gratitude to Him is beyond expression.

I invoke His blessings upon you, my beloved brothers and sisters, in your homes, in your work, in your service to one another and to the Lord Himself. Together we shall move forward doing His work.

I pledge my life, my strength—all that I have to offer—in serving Him and in directing the affairs of His Church in accordance with His will and by His inspiration, and I do so in His holy name—even the Lord Jesus Christ—amen.

-President Thomas S. Monson

Funny Coincidences

So how's this for funny. My new roommate said "Just peachy" twice (though not in reference to her mood), we have the same color towels, and she likes to listen to super happy (most the time religious) music. So I still think I'm going to listen to my rock when she isn't home. :p

So speaking of Tikla (in case you didn't get it, the last paragraph were similarities to Tikla), Amber and I were watching Veggie Tales yesterday. There is one story that I LOVE that's about Snoodles. It actually also sounds like a story Tikla told me about dots and stars. Well at least that was what it made me think of. Ok, so I'm just going to dedicate this post to Tikla since everything in it involves her some how. Hey Tik, I don't know if you'll ever read this but I love you and miss you.

PS Bob the Tomato is the narrator. Oh yeah and sorry it's kinda long.

Far, far away in the land of Galoots,

Where the biggle-bag trees, bear their biggle-bag fruits,

And far-lilly bushes all blossom in yellow,

And thimbuttle plants squirt snooberry jell-o.

Here where the mountains of rocky-ma-goo

Rise high o’er the meadows of gilda-manjoo,

Where sunsets are painted with purple and blue,

You’ll find a small town, not much bigger than you.

 

Welcome to Snoodleburg, home of the snoodles!

A curious folk who eat pancakes with noodles

And spend half their days making sketches and doodles

And cutting their hair into shapes like French poodles.

 

Now, right in the heart of this curious town,

Is a curious building—the tallest around!

With a clock at its top and a chute at its bottom,

‘tis pink in the Spring and turns red in the Autumn.

 

But weirder by far than its colour or height

Is what happens there every fourth Tuesday night.

As strange as it seems, it has demonstrated

That Snoodles aren’t born, but rather, “created.”

 

Every fourth Tuesday at quarter past nine,

The tower would shimmy and rattle and whine,

And as the town nibbles on biggle-bad fruit,

A shiny young Snoodle will drop from the chute!

That’s where they come from, though no one knows why,

 Nor who could have built the great tower so high.

These “mysteries of life” befuddled most Snoodles,

Who’d much rather focus on pancakes and noodles

And cutting their hair into shapes like French poodles.

Yes, most found the tower too noisy and strange

Until one small Snoodle made all of that change.

 

This little Snoodle was much like the others.

He came without siblings, no sisters or brothers.

He came without money, a mom or a dad.

The pack on his back was all that he had.

“This is peculiar.” The little guy said.

“I came from a chute and I fell on my head.

What do I look like? What am I for?”

He pondered those questions—and then thought of more.

“Checking my bag is a good place to start.”

He pulled out some paints. “Maybe I’m good at art!”

The next thing he found was a Snoodle-kazoo.

“Hey what do you know! I can make music too!”

Then back on his pack, he pulled a small string.

 And out from the sides popped two little wings.

“Amazing!” He said, with a gleam in his eye.

“I can paint, play kazoo, and now I can fly!

Wait ‘til the others see all the great things

I can do with my paints, my kazoo and my wings!”

So he packed up his paints and his Snoodle kazoo,

And he hopped off to show them all what he could do.

 

There from the top of a short, stubby wall,

The big Snoddles heard the new small Snoodle call.

“Come watch me, you guys, as I head for the sky!”

He straightened his wings with a gleam in his eye

Then he jumped and he flapped like the red-snootered finches

That fly from the plains to the peak of mount ginchez.

His flight, unlike theirs… “Oof” covered only twelve inches.

“You call that flying? You think you’re a bird?

We’ve never seen anything quite so absurd!”

The old Snoodle snorted, he sniggered, he shook.

“I’ll paint you a picture to show how you looked!”

The brush strokes were skillful; the colours were coolish.

The story they told made the young one feel foolish.

“Take it from us…” said a Snoodle named Lou.

“Flying just isn’t what you’re meant to do!”

The young Snoodle drooped. He felt his heart sag.

The painting, the old Snoodle placed in his bag.

“Carry this with you…” the old Snoodle said.

“So visions of flying don’t go to your head.”

The weight on his back was as heavy as lead.

 

So under the weight of the picture he bore,

He hobbled along, feeling lonely and sore.

‘til up far ahead on a bench near the tower,

he spied a bright bundle of far-lilly flowers.

His heart started lifting. “What beautiful things!”

Then he remembered. “I’ve got more than wings!”

So quickly, he dug the paints out of his pack

And hoped that with art, maybe he’d have the knack.

“I did it!” He yelled to the Snoodles in town.

Then held up his picture as they gathered round.

“You did it all right.” Said the Snoodles replying.

“You showed you’re no better at painting than flying!”

Then one of them laughed, and while eating a waffle

Painted a picture that made him feel awful.

“You’re puny.” “You’re silly.” “You’re not all that smart.”

“You can’t use your wings.” “And you’re no good at art.”

 

That picture too was placed in his pack

And made his heart slump just as low as his back.

“I’m ugly. I’m foolish, and so very small.

I don’t think I should be with Snoodles at all.”

And so he decided to get out of town.

His wings hung so low that they dragged on the ground.

 

He walked past the tower and out of the city.

He walked through the fields and thought… “My, this is pretty.

The far-lilly bushes all blooming in yellow,

And thimbuttle plants squirting snooberry jell-o.

I might like it here.” Said the small Snoodle fellow.

Then feeling some warmth coming back in his chest,

He thought he would sit for a moment and rest.

But try as he might to sit down with grace,

The weight on his back knocked him flat on his face!

“Oof!” “Ha! That’s a hoot! Said a voice from behind.

A farmer stood up with a thimbuttle vine.

“Why you need a picture, my Snoodleberg bud,

lest you forget how you look in the mud!”

And so in an instant, the picture was done—

And placed in his backpack, which now weighed a ton!

The poor Snoodle struggled, he wobbled, he groaned,

He stood to his feet and he said with a moan,

“Is there anywhere I can be truly alone?!?”

Just then, over head, flew two red-snootered finches,

Winging their was toward the peak of mount ginchez.

“I see.” Said the Snoodle. “Then that’s what I’ll do.

The home for those finches will be my home, too.

 

So painfully, struggling under his pack,

The small Snoodle inched up the big mountain’s back.

He crawled over boulders in rain and in lightning.

He trudged on and on though the journey was frightening.

‘Til finally on Sunday at quarter past two,

he spied all the meadows of gilda-manjoo

and realized he was on top of mount ginchez!

Alone with the wind, and his thoughts, and the finches.

He thought of the Snoodles. He thought of the tower.

He thought of the bell that would chime on the hour.

He thought of his pack and his very long walk.

He thought it so loudly, he heard his thoughts talk!

“Hello.” Said his thoughts. “You’ve made quite a climb!”

“That voice” He remarked, “Doesn’t sound much like mine.”

Then he turned and he noticed he wasn’t alone,

For a man stood behind near a cave in the stone.

He looked like a Snoodle, though quite a bit bigger.

“Maybe a giant.” The small Snoodle figured.

“I’m going!” The Snoodle boy said with a huff.

“And don’t paint a picture, I’ve got quite enough!”

“But first come inside.” The man said… “Have some tea!

I’m very pleased that you’re visiting me!”

The Snoodle boy stopped, though he’d only gone inches,

And stared at the stranger he’d found on mount ginchez.

He didn’t seem angry. In fact, he looked kind.

The poor little boy was confused. “Are you blind?

I’m puny! I’m silly! I’m not all that smart.

I can’t use my wings and I’m no good at art!”

The stranger leaned down with a pain in his heart.

“Who told you these things?” he asked. “How do you know?”

“These pictures I have in my pack tell me so.”

The small Snoodle sniffled, and started to go.

“First if you please, let me look at this art

that makes your pack heavy and weighs down your heart.”

Then picture by picture, the unpacked the bag

That bent the poor Snoodle and made his wings sag.

“Dear boy…” Said the man… “These look nothing like you!”

Then into the fire the pictures he threw.

He rose from his chair, saying… “Wait there—you’ll see

That what you need most is a picture from me!

 

The Snoodle sat patiently, sipping his tea.

Then from a room in the back he returned

and said… “Dear little Snoodle, it’s time that you learned

what you really look like!” And he threw off the sheet.

And what the boy saw warmed him right to his feet.

The boy in the portrait looked older and strong.

With wings on his back that were sturdy and long

And a look in his eye, both courageous and free.

“Sir…” asked the boy. Are you saying that’s… me?

I’d like to believe it, but sir, I’m afraid to.”

“I know who you are…” The man said… “For I made you.

I built the tower and set it in motion.

I planted the meadow, put fish in the ocean.

And I feed the finches, though most Snoodles doubt it,

Not one of them falls that I don’t know about it.

I’ve seen you fall down in the mud and the goo.

I’ve seen all you’ve done, and all you will do.

I gave you your pack, and your paints and you wings.
I chose them for you. They’re your special things.

The Snoodle-kazoo is so you can sing

About colors in Autumn or flowers in Spring.

I gave you your brushes in hopes that you’d see

How using them, you could make pictures for me.

Most of the Snoodles…” The old one said sadly.

“Just use their paints to make others feel badly.”

The young Snoodle pondered the things he’d been told.

Then wondering something, grew suddenly bold.

“But sir, if you made this incredible land,

can’t you make Snoodles obey your command?”

 The big one smiled warmly, then said to the small…

“A gift that’s demanded is no gift at all.”

With that the small Snoodle reached into his pack,

And pulled out the picture he’d made ten miles back.

“They’re far-lillies, sir, from over the bridge.”

The old one beamed bright and said… “That’s for my fridge!”

After the small Snoodle’s picture was hung,

The old one bent down to the face of the young.

He said… “Here’s what you look like; here’s how I see you.

Keep this in your pack and you’ll find it will free you

From all of the pictures and all of the lies

That others made up just to cut down your size.

And lastly your wings. You know what they’re for!

But not just to fly, son, I want you to soar!”

“But sir…” said the Snoodle… “How can I fly?

This picture’s so big, I won’t get very high!”

“But this picture’s special—it’s bigger and brighter.

Carry it close and I think you’ll feel lighter.”

 

As soon as he heard it, the Snoodle looked down

And noticed that he was an inch off the ground!

He laughed and he leaped, and he flew from the cave

Feeling now older and stronger and brave

And he flew through the clouds and he flew with the finches

And soared up and down ‘round the peak of mount ginchez.

He flew over far-lilly bushes in yellow,

And thimbuttle plants squirting snooberry jell-o.

He flew over biggle-bag trees and their fruits

In big, lazy loops o’er the land of Galoots.

Then hurried back home to the center of town

Where the Snoodles all stood with their wings on the ground,

And starting precisely at quarter past two…

He told them the story that I just told you.

THE END