Color Coding Children

Kids do not come color-coded.

This seems to be a really hard concept for some adults.

A two day old girl can't even fully see the color pink, let alone have a preference for it. Same goes for little boys and blue.

I've had some interesting experiences because of my belief that kids are not color-coded at birth. I'm not entirely sure my son has a favorite color. He's two, and we're just starting to teach him the names of colors, so I'm sure I'll find out soon. However, he doesn't have an aversion to pink... at all. We put a blue, green and  pink ball in front of him, and he picked the pink ball. And you know what... we let him. GASP.

We also bought pink pacifiers for him, because it was easier than going to another store to find "boy" pacifiers. And when he had that pacifier, we got slack from a lot of people: friends, family, strangers in stores. One of my friends said, "I couldn't do that because I wouldn't want him to be teased."

By who? Since most kids don't use pacifiers in school, who is there to tease him? Now that he's two, his pacifiers are gone, at an age where his peers were barely old enough to talk, let alone tease. And yet, he has been teased for having a pink pacifier. By adults. Not one single child has ever commented on my son's pacifier.

I've seen people say how it's "so annoying" that kitchens are marketed to girls and tools are marketed to boys. They aren't. They are marketed to parents of girls and boys. Because the girls and boys don't actually have a preference. You, the parent, have a preference. They are marketing it to you because you are the one buying it, and companies know that you have it firmly ingrained in your head that pink is for girls and blue is for boys.

I'm not saying that no girl likes pink and no boy likes blue. I'm saying that, most likely, they like all the colors. And I'm not going to say that older children don't have a preference. I'd be shocked if they didn't. Since you have a preference, your child will learn that preference. They will then go to school with other little girls and boys who have parents with the same preference and will have learned that preference as well. By then, it's probably way too late to try to introduce a different concept, but go experiment on your toddlers. See what kind of preferences they actually have, and which ones you've just invented.

And next time you have a feminist urge to rage about companies marketing to girls or boys, stop and examine what is making you think that. Because if it has a big warning label on the front saying "WARNING NO BOYS ALLOWED TO PLAY WITH THIS TOY," then you have a reason to complain. If it's pink or happens to have a picture of a girl on the front, then it's probably just you making assumptions based off of what culture has taught you to believe. If you don't want to think that way, then don't. The store will let you walk out with that toy in hand. Pink or no pink.

A note from the husband: I was a little disturbed to notice this trend in myself. I had no problem giving Joshua a pink toy or pacifier, but I blanched at the thought of him or me wearing anything particularly "girly" in public. Maybe not a big deal, one way or the other, but it was a big deal to me. I figured I was being stupid to care so much, so when I made a list of 101 goals to achieve in 1001 days, I made this one of my goals: wear something pink for a whole day. Hopefully I can train myself to care a little less about this cultural norm, which has no foundation in my personal values or my religion's standards.